I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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