My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
