and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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