Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
