Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
