I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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