I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
