Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
