i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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