what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
