I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
