Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
