She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
