did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
