There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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