wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
