And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize