I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
