I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I look better un-naked...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
