Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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