I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
