I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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