I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
