so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
