All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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