just tell him i said nine months
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
