that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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