it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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