Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
