shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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