I just threw up on my dentist
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
