Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
