also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
