I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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