So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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