I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
