i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
