This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
