So drunk its hurt
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
