That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
