I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
