Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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