my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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