So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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