ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
