Yo dont text me then not text me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
