Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
