bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
