I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
