I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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