I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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