I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
