Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
