Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fuck appropriateness.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
