I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
