I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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