I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
