every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
