So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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