she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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