his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
