I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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