I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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