wanna go halves on a baby?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
