so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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