ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
