he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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