My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
