I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
